Oh, cock.

I have recently decided that I've found the perfect person to marry: James May. For people (like my brother) who may think this is a little sketchy due to the considerable age gap, fear not; I'll go back in time to sort out that bit. I have very good reasons for thinking he'd be a good person to live with, and I've logically thought out the whole situation. It isn't that I'm madly in love with him or anything; I've merely concluded that he'd be an exceptionally compatible human being to spend my time with. I shall list my reasoning for you in no particular order:

(a) his name is a combination of the names of two other people I love (Brian May & James Burke)

(b) he's soft-spoken and mellow, making him both ideal and endearing

(c) his haircut occasionally reminds me of Oscar Wilde

(d) British

(e) he has a career in journalism

(f) had a house built entirely of Legos

(g) was a choirboy

(h) drives carefully

(i) he's a host on Top Gear

(j) enjoys awesome, geeky things

(k) was fired from Autocar magazine for creating an hidden acrostic message comprised of the first letters of articles (is there a better reason to get sacked?)

(l) hosts neat science-related shows on BBC

(m) is generally adorkable

Do you see this alphabet of logical reasons for loving him? Personally, I think these are all fine qualities to look for when searching out a partner. For those still sketched out, you haven't much to worry about, as our lives don't seem likely to intersect or intertwine anytime soon. Perhaps we'll be soulmates in the next life. I may, however, swim to the UK anyway.